


Guilt

by RatMonarch



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Bullying, Forgiveness, Gen or Pre-Slash, Guilt, M/M, Paranoia, Pre-Slash, Rivalry, Wammy House, Wammy's Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-29 23:50:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18304049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RatMonarch/pseuds/RatMonarch
Summary: Even big, bad Mello could feel guilt every now and then.





	Guilt

Why did Near have to do shit like this?

Mello glared at the white-haired boy, red-hot anger bubbling in his gut. Mello was aware that from an outsider’s perspective, he probably looked completely unreasonable. It wasn’t like Near was doing anything particularly annoying. He was just lying on his stomach on the floor of Mello and Matt’s bedroom, idly fiddling with a toy robot. 

But it was the purposefulness and arrogance of it all that pissed Mello off to no end. Near _knew_ Mello didn’t like him. He made that verbally and physically clear multiple times. Despite this, Near still pulled shit like this. Near still came into Mello and Matt’s room, like Mello hadn’t physically dragged him out of there hundreds of times. He still followed Mello around as if they were friends. As if they weren’t rivals. As if he wasn’t the only thing standing in Mello’s way of inheriting the title of L. 

What did Near even get out of doing shit like this? It wasn’t like Mello was nice to him. Near could play with his stupid toys literally anywhere else, yet he always seemed to choose to do it within Mello’s vicinity. Why did he do it?

It took Mello a while, but he was pretty sure he had figured it out. Matt could call him paranoid and crazy all he wanted, but Mello was convinced Near did it to mock him. 

It was all just an effort to make Mello look bad in comparison. To remind him that he was considered lesser.

No one said it out loud, but Mello knew for a _fact_ that everyone wanted Near to receive the L moniker. After all, Near was smart, quiet, and calculated just like L was. Mello in comparison was loud, brash, and had to work twice as hard to get where Near was intellectually. 

Near was a good kid. A bit weird, but people liked him. Mello was just a punk who everyone wished would just disappear. 

And while L was careful to never show favorites, Mello couldn’t help but think that L, like everyone else, liked Near better than him. After all, they were practically the same person. They related to each other easier. Near didn’t cause nearly as much trouble as Mello did. 

Even in times where he actually managed to successfully outperform Near, it never seemed to matter. People just regarded it as a fluke. It was either a spot of luck on Mello’s part or it was an off-day for Near. But no one put much stock in it. To everyone, Mello would always just be second place.

Near had to know this. Near was the most observant person he knew. He had to know that his very presence frustrated Mello. He had to know that if he stayed near him, Mello would always look worse and worse in comparison. 

Mello felt his teeth grit at the thought. Well, he wasn’t going to give the little bastard the satisfaction. 

So, sitting up a little higher on his bed and making his voice authoritative, he said, “Oi, Near. Get out.”

Near didn’t even look in his direction. He just continued to stay in his spot and poke at the robot. 

Mello felt firecrackers of anger begin to shoot off in him. That stubborn little bastard! 

Standing up now, he marched over to Near and demanded, “Oi… are you deaf? Get out!”

Near glanced at him for a moment with his weird, dark eyes before he muttered, “I don’t want to…”

That was it. Mello had given him a chance at escape. If Near was too stupid to take it, then that was his fault. 

Mello honestly thought of kicking Near in the gut, but that would most likely get Roger on his ass. So, instead, he decided to try a different approach. Aiming his foot, he launched a well-placed kick on Near’s robot. 

He had meant to just knock it off of Near’s hands and away from him as a warning, but Mello must be stronger than he thought because the robot’s head popped off of its body and the body fell. Mello felt a glimmer of satisfaction at seeing the form of destruction and the look of shock that actually graced Near’s normally emotionless face. 

“Get out now or I am going to do the same thing to you and-” Mello began, only to pause in shock as he said, “Wait a minute, are you crying?!”

Indeed he was. Big fat tears were falling silently from Near’s eyes and his face was screwed up. Mello immediately felt a curl of panic and shock at the sight. He had never seen Near cry before. No matter what Mello called him or how much he hit him, Near would always remain creepily calm and stone-faced. So to see Near crying was a shock. 

Mello knew he probably should be pleased at knowing he made Near cry. He certainly liked seeing other people he hated running away with tears pricking in their eyes. But for some reason, seeing Near cry made panic rise in his chest a bit and maybe a bit of… guilt? No, that couldn’t be. 

There was a logical reason for this. It was because if Near went to Roger crying, then Mello might actually get kicked off of ever being considered L’s successor completely. Yeah, that was it. 

Deciding to try and prevent Near from going to Roger, he grabbed Near by the shoulder and knelt down, demanding, “Why are you crying? You have a million other robots and toys. Go play with those instead.”

Near shook his head stubbornly. Rubbing at his eyes, he sniffed, “That one was different. L made that one for me…”

Now Mello actually did feel bad. Mello didn’t put much into sentimentality… but gifts from L were something different. They were something that everyone from Wammy’s held sacred with one another. After all, it wasn’t like anyone else cared enough to give them presents. Anything they had, they had to work for and get from L. Mello knew if Near had ruined anything L had ever given him, he would be beyond furious himself. 

And he knew that despite the fact that Near, for whatever stupid reason didn’t admire L as much as he did, he still cared about L to some capacity. Because whether they liked it or not, L was the closest thing that any of them had to a family member. 

Running a hand through his hair, he groaned, “Fuck…”

Great, now he felt like a complete asshole. More than normal anyway. 

Deciding to inspect the damage, he grabbed the robot’s body from Near. Near reached over, actually protesting, probably wondering if Mello was going to throw it away or destroy it more, but Mello managed to pull it out of Near’s reach. He stood up and marched over to where the head had flown off to and picked it up as well. 

Before Near could do a fruitless attempt at beating Mello a bit, Mello snapped, “It’s probably not broken for good. L doesn’t give us cheap-ass products.”

Walking over to his bed, he looked at the robot and fiddled around with it, Near watching him mistrustfully from a distance, his eyes still red-rimmed. 

Yeah… just like Mello thought. The damage wasn’t too bad. Mello had just managed to knock the head out of place. Nothing else seemed to be damaged, and with only a little bit of screwing, he managed to put the robot’s head back on. He then thrust the fixed robot in front of Near and pressed the button on the robot's side to show it’s head lighting up and moving with the rest of it. Voice gruff, he said, “There, it wasn’t even that bad you big baby. You probably could have fixed that.”

Near cautiously walked towards Mello, as if he thought this was a trap of some kind. Mello felt a stab of annoyance at that. He was nice enough to fix the damn thing and Near was acting like Mello was a rabid shark about to bite his arm off. He considered throwing the damn thing just for that, but Mello had already caused enough trouble, so he might as well not push his luck.

Near eventually gently took the robot out of Mello’s hand and inspected it, looking considerably calmer. Watching him look at the robot with so much admiration made Mello feel another stab of guilt. Near looked so young like that. He often forgot that Near was still a few years younger than him, and it was times like this that reminded him of that. 

Sighing through his nose, he huffed out a gruff, “I’m sorry.”

Near actually looked up and while his gaze was calculated as always, Mello could somehow sense that the boy was surprised. Glaring, he growled and gave Near a light push, saying, “I ain’t repeating that. Now get out of here, brat.” 

Near nodded this time and promptly did leave. Mello was about to shut the door when suddenly, he saw with horror that Matt was by the door, with a shit-eating grin on his face. He had clearly witnessed all of that. 

Cooing, he said, “Awww… even the big mean old Mello has a soft side.”

Mello growled, “Keep talking Matt and I will punch your nose in.”

Matt sighed with an amused smile and said, “Well... that was short-lived.”

**Author's Note:**

> I finished Death Note for the first time about a week ago and I enjoyed it. Too bad I am like, thirteen years late. Lol. But anyhow, Mello ended up being my favorite character (Rem being second) and I just knew I had to write something for the bastard and voila. This came out. I hope you enjoyed. I actually had fun writing this! 
> 
> Critique is appreciated. 
> 
> Have a great day!


End file.
